Steve Fulk

(Picture r to l: Steve, Kathy, Jenna, Jeremy, and Jay Fulk)

Anytime I hear the song “Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting” it brings a smile to my face… not primarily because it’s a weird song and who knows where it came from or why! It brings a smile to my face because every time I hear it, and I do mean every single time, it takes me back to Don and Caroline Fulk’s basement in Willowcreek OR in the early 70’s. The basement is unfinished at this point of my memory, and my brother Dan and I are staying overnight with the Fulks on Christmas break. The song is blaring in the basement and Steve, Lonnie (Steve’s younger brother), Dan (my younger brother), and I are flying around the basement kicking and karate chopping each other.

I have a million incredible childhood memories from the Fulks. Riding motorcycles like wild men, diving off the 3 X 12 diving board into the canal, the trampoline, farming, the barn, winter pulls by Don on the upside down car hood… all of us piled on it while Don drug us around behind the tractor. It really was the stuff of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn and they’re memories that I cherish even if they don’t surface too often – not surprisingly I don’t have “Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting” on my IPod… though I might just load it now.

I heard a couple days ago that my friend Steve was in a horrible car accident with his wife Kathy and son Jay. Last I heard he is still in a coma – I, and many others are praying for him and his family (Kathy and Jay are out of the hospital). I have always had a ton of admiration for Steve, even though life has taken us different directions and we really haven't stayed in touch (thanks to facebook there's now a bit of connection). I think the last time I saw Steve and Kathy was the 20 year reunion… we’re getting frighteningly close to 30 now!

Two thoughts flood through my mind as I reflect: First, life is fleeting (not that I think Steve’s is over - he could always beat me up... I think he's going to beat this thing!). One moment you’re driving and the next you’re in the hospital with everything hanging by a thread and uncertain. We really do need to make the most of it. Erik Erikson’s final stage of psycho-social development is “Integrity vs. Despair” and it simply says, “At the end of life you’ll look back and love your life (integrity) or be disappointed in it (despair). This always reminds me to live in such a way that integrity is the end thought. Second, the life and memories I have, the people I’ve grown up around and continue to have in my heart are a gift… I need to treasure them. Who I am is in large part due to them.

"The fools says in his heart there is no God"... maybe I'm the fool!

Psalm 53 hit me in an interesting way yesterday early morning. The text starts right out, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.'" David then goes on to say that there is in fact no one who does good, that everyone has turned aside and is corrupt, and then repeats again, "there is no one who does good, not even one!"

David moves on from there to wicked eat of the "bread of my people" and that "they have not called upon God." he also says "they were in great fear where no fear had been."

He finished up the Psalm, "Oh, that the salvation of Israel would come out of Zion!"

It's easy for those who believe in God (of any sort really) to point fingers at those who don't and say, "They're fools!" In truth all of creation testifies to design rather than randomness, from the Universe itself to the smallest molecular structures. Paul says that no one has excuse, God has testified to all of our hearts that "He is" through all that we see. What I think is interesting, and what struck me afresh this week is how often we who believe in God are functional atheists. That is to say, we affirm that God is, and that He is at work, and intensely interested in every detail of our lives (unless we are deists of course), but then we don't rely or call upon Him.

The psalm says, they have not called upon God! The result seems to be "great fear where no fear had been." A brief story: Several years ago, just after 2000 I went through a short period of anxiety (maybe 6 months). I went to see a few docs who tried giving me medication to help - it didn't help. I tried a number of things. Night after night I would fall asleep as soon as I got into bed, and night after night I would wake up, full awake, at 1:00 AM. At first it frustrated me, but later on I learned to take this time as a blessing. I would go to my boy's rooms and pray for them as they slept... and then I would have a cup of tea, read the psalms, and journal. I would be up for about two hours, and then fall back to sleep for a bit. It became a rich time of seeking, and finding, God.

I'm going through a similar experience again. Not exactly the same, not sure the cause, but it struck me yesterday, I've been pursuing the issues with medical help - and will continue to do so. I am so appreciative of the blessings of medicine and the help of good docs. However, I simply realized I have not been calling on God for this really, nor really seeking His face. The result I think is simple... great fear at times where no fear had been.

We can point our boney fingers in the faces of those who "say there is no God." I don't usually do that... I think it's important to honor each person as one carrying the Imago Dei regardless of their beliefs. The real question to me (to us) is whether or not we're just as foolish... knowing God and not calling.

Marriage - Talking it Out

I'm adding this content from my sermon last Sunday. I'm in the midst of a series titled "What's Love Got to Do with It?" It seemed helpful to people at MLCC. Maybe it can be helpful to some others. Sharlyn said to me this week... "Hey your sermon on Sunday was really good... did I tell you that? Where did you get all that information?" I think she may have been saying, "Why don't you try some of that at home buddy!!" As with most things, the knowing and the doing thereof are two different things. Chesterton said of Christianity, "Christianity has not so much been tried and found wanting, rather it has mostly been wanted and left untried." In any case, hopefully you can find some practical tools here. I've inserted a few quotes I used. I love quotes about anything... well, almost anything.

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner

“Elections are a good deal like marriages. There's no accounting for any one's taste. Every time we see a bridegroom we wonder why she ever picked him, and it's the same with public officials.”- Will Rogers

“For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” – Bill Cosby

Marriage is easy to make fun of it because everyone who has ever been involved in it recognizes that it’s a delight on the one hand, and a work on the other!

God designed marriage to express oneness. Genesis 2:22-24. The two become one in the consummation of the marriage, but there is also a oneness as two lives are united… we have pictures of it with unity candle, the difficulty is in actually attaining the oneness that is part of the covenant, in real terms. It takes work.

Oneness if found through reconciliation of conflict, not the lack of conflict. Conflict shouldn’t be feared… it is…
… a doorway to intimacy.

Gives opportunity to gain understanding.
You can ask questions: “How did that make you feel?
Gives opportunity to give an emotional word picture.

…an opportunity to gather facts:
Let’s talk about the issues in a factual way.
Why or why not do this, go there?
Calms us down and helps us to see with clarity the right thing to do.

…helps us develop our keys for opening the door.
What do I say that shuts you down?
How can I say things that open you up?
You always statements lock the door.
Use “I feel” or “I think” statements that remove blame.

… is an opportunity to express physical/emotional affection:
It’s an opportunity to give a hug… non sexual meaningful touch.
Opportunity to say “I’m sorry.”

The most difficult conflicts are often the most emotionally rewarding.

Conflict resolution ought to be guided by:
-Eph. 4:29-32… no unwholesome words.
-James 1:19… quick to hear… slow to speak.

Conflict is healthy in relationships: “All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest--never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.” – Ann Landers

Tools to build oneness and address conflict.
Practice withholds (Les and Leslie Parrot)… good or bad. Try this week to have two nights when you share at least two of each. A withhold is something you haven't said, but could. You say, "I really appreciated you bringing me a cup of coffee this morning." They respond only by saying “…thank you for sharing that.” Could be, "My feelings were hurt this morning when you jokingly said I wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer." They respond by saying, "thank you for saying that."

Practice assertiveness in a relationship that is meaningful to you: Three wishes… “I wish…” Three things… Something like, "I wish that we could take a least two hours one day a week that was just out time, without kids, friends, family, or TV; just to be together.

“Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.” W.H. Auden

Esme Kenney - We're not alone!

It's surprising, and unnerving when violence and tragedy surface so close to home. If you've been keeping up on the news you've probably seen the story of Esme Kenny, a thirteen year old young lady who decided to go out for a jog yesterday afternoon (March 7), and never returned. They found her murdered a few minutes from her home. They have found and charged a man with her murder who has a record of similar crimes. He was wandering in the woods with her Ipod and watch. They have him in custody and they're relatively sure that he's the murderer.


Esme's aunt and uncle and two cousins are part of our church. I spent part of the afternoon with them. The pain of this violence and loss is exponential. Hard to grasp, but reminds me of two truths. First, we're not alone... we live in a world where evil exists and we run into it when we don't expect to; there is no way to completely avoid it. Evil befalls even the most innocent. Other places in the world live with the sort of destruction, violence, and pain that seem to visit us in America less frequently. Still, the evil is real and impacting us. If you haven't read The Shack you ought to take a look at it. William Young does a great job of dealing with the problem of evil in a scenario eerily similar to Esme Kenny's story.


Second, it reminds me that we're not alone. From our church alone we've seen several thousands of dollars raised to help the family go back and be with Esme's family as they walk through this tragedy. Additionally a couple hundred thousand air miles have donated from the church body to get them flights. The outpouring of love and help has overwhelmed this family with blessing even in the midst of this incredible tragedy. I have never been so deeply moved by the generosity and love flowing from the church I'm privileged to work at. I didn't say "surprised" because I'm not surprised. I know them, and they love and give. I've seen it in my own life, and I'm seeing it again.


Life throws misery at us, we're not immune to it because we follow Christ and trust Him to be Savior, but we are blessed to walk together with people how love us and who we love in return. I hope your journey has those people in it... There are times when God seems utterly absent... it's in those times that we feel His presence in the lives and generosity of those who are His! We are his hands and feet, Christ incarnate, in the lives of people who are hungry, thirsty, hopeless, and in darkness.